


John Watson is Not a Poet, and Doesn't he Know it

by kyaticlikestea



Series: John Watson's Blog [7]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Blog, Crack, Humour, John Watson's Blog, John's blog, M/M, slight angst regarding minor character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-21
Updated: 2012-05-21
Packaged: 2017-11-05 18:49:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/409808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyaticlikestea/pseuds/kyaticlikestea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'I thought I’d do something a bit different here today because lately my blog seems to have turned into a bit of a circus. Today is National Haiku Day – yes, Sherlock, that is an actual thing that exists, so stop complaining – so I thought we could all share some culture, some class and some finesse by writing our own haikus.'</p><p>Or, in which John attempts to spread class and poetry but doesn't quite get his own way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John Watson is Not a Poet, and Doesn't he Know it

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really quite ill, so updates will be slow for the foreseeable future. Sorry, folks.
> 
> National Haiku Day is an actual thing! It took place on 17th April this year. I don't know when it will be in 2015 but I assumed it would be the same date.

**April 17th, 2015  
National Haiku Day!**

Hello everyone,

As you can see, I’ve finally regained control over this blog. I had to call one of my mates from uni who owed me a few favours (thanks, Steve, if you’re reading this – I owe you a pint!) and yes, I burnt the feet in the fridge. Really, I think I was rather patient keeping them there for a month. Don’t worry, I didn’t eat anything that you needed to refrigerate in that entire time. A word of advice; living off dry cereal and bananas will make you ill after a while. How the heck did I survive my student years? I think all I consumed for about five years was beer and crisps. 

Anyway, I thought I’d do something a bit different here today because lately my blog seems to have turned into a bit of a circus. Today is National Haiku Day – yes, Sherlock, that is an actual thing that exists, so stop complaining – so I thought we could all share some culture, some class and some finesse by writing our own haikus. 

I’ll go first:

Sherlock is sulking  
on the sofa in the lounge  
in his dressing gown. 

Maybe I’m not quite Emily Dickinson after all. 

Your turn!

**55 comments**

Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored  
Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored  
Bored, bored, bored, bored, dull.  
 **Sherlock Holmes, April 17th, 10:53**

Very insightful, Sherlock, thank you. Maybe you could go and have a shower now. It’s been a few days.  
 **John Watson, April 17th, 10:59**

That’s inaccurate;  
yesterday I had a bath.  
I don’t need to wash.  
 **Sherlock Holmes, April 17th, 11:01**

That took you two minutes to compose? Hmm.  
 **John Watson, April 17th, 11:04**

Why the suspicion?  
Haikus are an easy form  
to quickly compose.  
 **Sherlock Holmes, April 17th, 11:06**

Yeah, for Sherlock bloody Holmes, maybe.  
 **John Watson, April 17th, 11:08**

Someone’s in a grump.  
John; no need to be ashamed,  
we aren’t all poets.  
 **Mycroft Holmes, April 17th, 11:10**

Oh, ha bloody ha. Let me guess, the Holmeses had a private haiku teacher at their estate in Sussex?  
 **John Watson, April 17th, 11:12**

John that’s very rude  
jealousy does not become  
men in wool jumpers  
 **Lestrade, April 17th, 11:13**

One minute?! OK, I _know_ Mycroft fed you that one.  
 **John Watson, April 17th, 11:15**

On the contrary;  
Greg is quite the poet, John.  
He was born to rhyme!  
 **Mycroft Holmes, April 17th, 11:17**

:)  
 **Lestrade, April 17th, 11:20**

The sight of Mycroft Holmes using exclamation marks is a very disturbing one. And Lestrade, how come it takes you sixty seconds to write a poem but three minutes to write a smiley face?  
 **John Watson, April 17th, 11:26**

I’m at work!! Will try to get Anderson and Donovan on here later, quite fancy seeing Anderson’s attempts at verse  
 **Lestrade, April 17th, 11:34**

I wonder if he wooed Donovan through poetry??  
Yes, I have a wife,  
but my bed is often cold  
come to me, Sally!  
 **Lestrade, April 17th, 11:36**

This is the worst idea I have ever had.  
 **John Watson, April 17th, 11:40**

poetry is not beyond / britains greatest detective / what can he not do????  
 **theimprobableone, April 17th, 12:03**

When I was told to come on here, I didn’t expect to see my private life discussed through the medium of the haiku!! This is war…  
Mycroft and Lestrade  
sitting in a tree, naked;  
people, don’t look up!  
 **Sally Donovan, April 17th, 12:16**

Need I remind you of the minor position I occupy in British government, Ms Donovan…?  
 **Mycroft Holmes, April 17th, 12:18**

or the position he occupies in Lestrade  
 **Anderson, April 17th, 12:25**

I am technically your boss, you know.  
 **Lestrade, April 17th, 12:29**

sorry please dont fire me  
 **Anderson, April 17th, 12:34**

Kittens are so nice to have  
they let you stroke them and play  
lots of lovely games!!! xxxxxx  
 **Molly Hooper, April 17th, 12:35**

I won’t fire you, Anderson, but if I could I would fire Molly for that!!  
 **Lestrade, April 17th, 12:37**

Are you not a cat person? :( xxxxx  
 **Molly Hooper, April 17th, 12:40**

That is definitely my main objection towards your poem, yes  
 **Lestrade, April 17th, 12:46**

Trouble at the office, Gregory? Is there any way I can assist?  
 **Mycroft Holmes, April 17th, 12:58**

Not unless you can make this mountain of paperwork disappear and be replaced with a vat of black coffee  
 **Lestrade, April 17th, 13:04**

I’ll see what I can do.  
 **Mycroft Holmes, April 17th, 13:05**

Since I wrote this post,  
Sherlock has blown up the fridge  
which was full of blood.  
Lestrade, if I kill him, will you ensure it’s written off as justifiable homicide?  
 **John Watson, April 17th, 13:47**

I could do that seeing as I don’t have anything else to do today except tell off my subordinates but only after I finish this coffee!! :D  
 **Lestrade, April 17th, 14:00**

Mycroft pulled through, then? Must be nice to have a boyfriend with power, boss  
 **Sally Donovan, April 17th, 14:08**

HAHAHAHAHAHA SALLY THAT WAS POETRY IF YOU READ IT OUT OF CONTEXT THATS HILARIOUS LOL  
 **Harry, April 17th, 14:17**

Oh sweet Lord.  
 **Sally Donovan, April 17th, 14:21**

oh hang on are we meant to write a poem here??? ok  
john i havent drunk in weeks  
hope that you are proud of me  
maybe i can visit you when youve cleaned up all the mess lol  
 **Harry, April 17th, 14:28**

It’s National Haiku day, not National Rhyming Couplet Day, Harry! And well done, I’m proud of you. Yeah, as soon as I can stand to look at my own flat, I’ll give you a text.  
 **John Watson, April 17th, 14:34**

oh sorry i was never very good at writing lol  
 **Harry, April 17th, 14:38**

I don’t know, I personally found your comment from a few days ago to be deeply enlightening. I can’t remember the exact wording of it – it was so profound that my brain could scarcely comprehend it, let alone remember it exactly – but it was something like ‘lgkhgf42pcfop;aqo!!’  
 **Sherlock Holmes, April 17th, 14:49**

Sherlock.  
 **John Watson, April 17th, 15:01**

What, not good?  
 **Sherlock Holmes, April 17th, 15:06**

I am not even going to dignify that with a response. Now, clean up the bloody mess!  
 **John Watson, April 17th, 15:09**

yeah sherlock!!  
 **Harry, April 17th, 15:14**

I apologise  
for the fact that my brother  
isn’t quite human.  
 **Mycroft Holmes, April 17th, 15:19**

John, a professional cleaning team is on its way to you, ETA half an hour  
 **Anthea?, April 17th, 15:26**

Mycroft, you’re an absolute wonder. Greg, think you got the better Holmes deal! On a side note, has anyone seen Bill Murray around? Mike? He’s normally commented by now. Thanks!  
 **John Watson, April 17th, 16:07**

Dosdn’t thdcank dsme, thadat waas acll Anthcea. I asm otheadrwise occupieeedde  
 **Mycroft Holmes, April 17th, 16:11**

John hasn’t anyone told you? Sorry mate I thought the hospital might have been in touch, Bill had a heart attack yesterday, think he’s ok but he’s going to be there for at least another few days, sorry you found out so late mate  
 **Mike Stamford, April 17th, 16:23**

Thanks, Mike. Could you message me the number of the ward or something?  
 **John Watson, April 17th, 16:34**

I can but I dont think hes expecting you to visit  
 **Mike Stamford, April 17th, 16:39**

Well, I will be. If you could message me, that would be great. Thanks.  
 **John Watson, April 17th, 17:01**

John, if you had kept  
in touch with your oldest friend,  
you would have been told.  
 **Sherlock Holmes, April 17th, 17:14**

Now is not the time, Sherlock. Seriously. Please. Go off and bother someone else.  
 **John Watson, April 17th, 17:20**

Bloody hell, freak. I don’t think you’re just a psychopath, I think you have foot-in-mouth syndrome too.  
 **Sally Donovan, April 17th, 17:38**

John, I’ve messaged you with the details of Mr Murray’s ward and his condition. If you require any further assistance, please do let me know.  
 **Mycroft Holmes, April 17th, 17:42**

Am I too late for the poetry boys?  
Sherlock makes a mess  
but I’m not his housekeeper.  
He can clean it up.  
This is Mrs Hudson by the way  
 **Marie Turner, April 17th, 17:57**

Well, on a positive note, this blog isn’t JUST a circus any more  
 **Lestrade, April 17th, 18:01**


End file.
